there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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