the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
