'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
