They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The air was thick with penises
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
