we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize