I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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