you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
