I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize