On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
