is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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