I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
