so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
