I like to think it a success when the cops are called
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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