Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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