I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
