she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
