nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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