M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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