I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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