but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
