Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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