im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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