Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
