I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
