I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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