Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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