I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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