HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You ruined the universe
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
