If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
