can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
