Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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