spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she peed on how many people?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
