Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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