How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
