Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
