Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
