I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
