in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are we still banned from the library?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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