weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
