I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize