he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
