Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
