just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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