Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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