You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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