Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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