Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
