Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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