enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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