I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to stop coming to work sober
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
