my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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