but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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