I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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