You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
