apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
