Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
two words: eviction party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize