There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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