literally had 100 drinks last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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