that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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