dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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