You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
