Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't turn off my feet"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
