Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We need to get me chipped asap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
