i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
