So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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