no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
