I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
