True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
