Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
