I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, he came in my armpit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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