Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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