Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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