Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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