he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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