Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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