We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize