you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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