Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
