If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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