he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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