i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
