Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
