yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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