Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize