So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
