He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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