Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
