i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
