I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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