If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
