help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
