hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
