This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
