I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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