i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize