all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
