I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
