I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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