you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
