He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
